When I hear...

When I hear...I think...

"You can't have your cake and eat it too" - Okay, then I don't have to have it. I'll just eat it!
"He's not the sharpest tool in the shed" - I wouldn't want a sharp rake. I get in enough trouble with them
"Between a rock and a hard place" - Oh, between two rocks, then?
"Fancy pants" - This
"Brownie points" - I have been earning those all my life and have yet to get any brownies out of it.
"Pass the buck" - Oh, I didn't know we were having venison for dinner.
"Bury the hatchet" - Then it will be rusty and give you tetnus.
"Dead ringer" - Zombie bell players?
"Fifteen minutes of fame" - Isn't about time Britney/Miley/Lindsay/etc. got off the stage, then?
"Paint the town red" - Why not purple?
"An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." - Yes, but are 28 grams of prevention worth 0.45 kilos of cure?
"If life gives you lemons, make lemonade." - Where am I supposed to get the sugar?
"Ignorance is bliss." - Until someone sneaks up behind you.
"The proof is in the pudding" - ...what?
"A stitch in time saves nine" - I have yet to see one burst stitch that needs nine to repair it.
"Don't put all of your eggs in one basket" - What about one carton? Besides, if I have two baskets then I won't have a hand to hold on to the railing.
"Out of sight, out of mind." - What about "absence makes the heart grow fonder," then?

No wonder people have trouble learning English!
What sayings, proverbs, or idioms seem extra strange to you (or do you have trouble understanding)?
I only mentioned one set of conflicting ones. There are tons more. What ones come to mind?